Kaleidoscope Heart
by thewriterinme
Summary: Childhood best friends and lovers, Quinn and Rachel meet again six years later on New Years Eve. They look familiar but feel like strangers to each other. Is it possible for one's true love to persist through the years and be victorious above every hardship life throws on the way? Title is from Sara Bareille's Kaleidoscope Heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Kaleidoscope Heart Part I- A New Years' Faberry Ficlet**

(embellished, sure, but based on true events.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

love,

-TWiM

* * *

"Did you hear? Rachel's coming to town for New Years."

"Rachel, Rachel?"

"Yes, Rachel Rachel! Do you know any other Rachels, you idiot?" Santana almost wants to smack Quinn upside the head.

Quinn thinks it over and shakes her head no. She could've though! She no longer seems to be able to concentrate on what they're doing. Why are they at the mall again? "What for?"

Santana snaps her attention back to Quinn. "What what for?"

"Why's she coming to Lima for New Years? She moved away six years ago. Who is she staying with if her parents live in Cali?" Quinn holds the bags in her hands tighter.

Santana sighs. She shouldn't have brought it up. She just didn't think Quinn would still be hung up on this middle school romance she had with Rachel. Come on! They were, like, four. "I think she has a cousin in town or something. Most of her family will be here. You don't care, right?" Ventures Santana. Maybe if she puts the words into Quinn's mouth, she'll convince her.

"Oh, of course not," Quinn says with a disbelieving laugh. "What? I've been over Rachel for years now."

"Yeah, sure. You're talking to that girl from Boston anyway, right?"

"Yeah, totally." Quinn says. She had completely forgotten about the girl from Boston she had met while there on a trip with her school. She attends Yale in New Haven, and is back in town for the Holidays. To spend it with her family and the friends she grew up with. Tradition has been that every New Years for the past two years, since everyone graduated high school, Quinn throws a party at her house and they all come. If Rachel is in town, someone will end up inviting her.

It's not like Quinn doesn't want her there. She doesn't care. Rachel being in town means nothing to her now that she's single. It's just awkward since she and Rachel never really talked after Rachel moved away. The two other times Rachel was in town, when her parents still lived in Lima, Quinn had been dating and by her girlfriends' wishes (and her own, whatever), she didn't speak much to Rachel.

This will be different.

Or not. No, it won't.

"Q?" Santana asks, snaps her fingers in front of her face to see if she's listening.

"Yeah? Hi, hey. Sorry," Quinn apologizes. Why is she spending so much time thinking about Rachel? It's not like Rachel matters anymore. They were twelve and thirteen; those feelings don't last this long.

Sighing, Santana smacks Quinn on the arm, "this is going to be a long holiday, isn't?"

"No! Dude, I told you," Quinn smiles. She uses the disarming, charming smiles and reassures Santana, "I don't care. You should invite her to my party."

"I'm sure she'd rather hang out with us than her family. Sure thing," Santana says, while thinking about what an awful idea this is.

* * *

"So," Santana approaches Quinn with a beer bottle in hand and sits next to her on the couch. She whispers so Puck doesn't hear, "Rachel is engaged."

"What?" Quinn asks, taking the bottle of cold beer from Santana, "why are you telling me that?" She takes a swig and focuses back on the game on TV.

"Just thought you should know. Some idiot from New York - Brody something." She gets up again to grab another beer from the cooler next to Puck. "Or so Kurt tells me."

"You talking about Rachel being engaged?" Puck asks with a smirk. "Yeah, heard that too." He looks at Quinn with an apologetic look, "sorry, babe. That one's taken now."

Quinn jumps off the couch, offended. "Why are both of you telling me that?! I don't care about Rachel _or_ that she's engaged. Her and I probably won't even talk tomorrow."

Puck tries not to snicker. "Is she serious?" He asks Santana. "You guys were, like, super in love back in the day," he makes a heart shape with his fingers.

"And you really only broke up because she moved. Feelings are definitely still there."

"We were twelve!" Quinn defends herself. "There are no feelings."

Puck grabs the pretzels bowl from atop the ottoman, "and then you started dating her 'best friend'," he uses air quotes. "You're right. She probably fuckin' hates you now."

Santana and Puck laugh but both quiet down quickly with Quinn's stare, "Rachel doesn't hate me, and I don't have feelings for her. We're done talking about this now."

"Sure," Puck tells her. He sits back and pulls on his cap to adjust it, "focusing on the game. Let's go, boys!" He cheers and winks at Santana over Quinn's head.

* * *

"You need any help around here?"

Rachel.

Quinn puts on her most polite smile and turns around, "no, everything's good. Thanks though." She walks around Rachel carefully not to touch her and picks up the box of sodas sitting near the table. "I just gotta put these in the cooler and then I'm good."

Rachel makes move to where the cooler is, on top of the kitchen sink, and opens it. Quinn stares and she says, "least I could do."

That smile might become a problem for Quinn. She shakes her head lightly and chuckles at her thoughts, "thanks." Tilting the box, the cans drop into the cooler full of ice.

"Your party's nice. I missed you guys," Rachel says, wanting to make conversation, apparently. Quinn really just wants to take the drinks back into the living room where everyone is singing karaoke. Just because Rachel was invited, she doesn't have to try to make conversation with the host. "Puck is still that same boy who's always trying to prove himself, isn't he?"

"What'd he do this time?" Quinn groans. "Last year Finn dared him to drink mustard straight from the bottle and he ended up throwing up on my couch."

"Ew!" Rachel laughs but makes a disgusted face. "I sat on your couch!" She points at Quinn accusingly, "isn't that the kind of information you give someone as soon as they come in?"

Quinn chuckles, "no worries, we bought a new one the next day." She chews the inside of her mouth and tries not to focus on the ring on Rachel's finger. It's barely there, so she pretends it's not there.

The lid of the cooler goes back on and Rachel finds herself staring at Quinn's muscles as she picks it up. Damn, girl's got arms. "That's a relief, now I won't worry about having sat on mustard vomit."

"No," Quinn laughs as she leads the way.

The karaoke in the living room is ridiculously loud as Santana sings some Michael Jackson and Brittany dances with Mike. Rachel smiles at Quinn and sits back down next to Kurt and Blaine. They seem to start up a conversation and Quinn ignores the feeling that's starting to grow in her stomach.

No, she's not jealous that Kurt and Rachel stayed in touch after Rachel moved. And no, she's not jealous that they now go to school in New York together. She's not jealous because she doesn't care about Rachel or that she's here.

She wipes her hands on her black jeans and runs a hand through her blonde hair. She ends up making eye contact with Rachel, who had been staring. No, it doesn't bother her and she doesn't take it as a sign of _anything_.

* * *

"I might start thinking you're avoiding me if you keep leaving the rooms as I come in," Rachel says as she sits next to Quinn on the porch outside. It's cold, air is visible as they speak.

Quinn barely makes a move to look at Rachel, she only wraps her jacket tighter. "I'm not."

"Okay," Rachel tells her and chuckles.

It's quiet for a while. "What?" Quinn asks when Rachel chuckles again.

"Nothing," Rachel says and shrugs. "Just wondering why you invited me to this party if you don't want me here." Rachel can be as selfish as people say she is but she is a good people reader. It's hard for someone to keep her guessing about their feelings and ever since she arrived and Quinn didn't even bother to give her a hug, she realized Quinn was stand-offish. She figured with time the girl would warm up, but no.

Quinn looks at her then, the reflection of the full moon basking her face, and Rachel ignores just how beautiful she looks. "I don't not want you here."

"Careful, Quinn," Rachel warns with a playful tone, "your excitement might just show how much you care."

"I'm sorry," Quinn whispers and then adds, "I could probably be a better host than this. I just don't know how to... Uh, well, act. Around you, I mean." The left corner of her lips rises quickly, and then sinks back down just as fast.

Rachel rubs her hands together and then wraps them under the red scarf around her neck. "Well, Quinn. You and I were best friends. You could start just by acting as a friend, yeah?" Her brown eyes sparkle the reflection of the sky and Quinn's enraptured by her natural beauty. My, oh, my, how Rachel has grown.

Quinn sighs, giving in, "how have you been, Rachel? In New York, I mean? Is it the dream life?"

Rachel smiles, caught by surprise that Quinn is trying. "Uh, well, no. No yet, but it will be soon!" Around her eyes, crinkles form, evidence of how excited Rachel is that Quinn is making conversation with her. "How about you? How's... Yale, right? Facebook is helpful for stalking."

"Yes, Yale," Quinn confirms. "You stalk me?"

"Not all the time," Rachel doesn't deny it. "Sometimes, when I miss home. But you never answered my question!" Lightly, she shoves Quinn and scoots closer. For warmth, you know. "How's Yale?"

"It's great. I love it. The classes are challenging. The people are very warm. It's my place to be."

"And what are you studying? Are you there for acting like you wanted to be when you were young?" Rachel laughs out loud, throwing back her head. She's starting to get cold but she's afraid that going back inside will give Quinn a way to escape. "Remember that? Talking about growing up and going to the same school and becoming actresses together?"

Quinn laughs, too. Of course she remembers. "Yeah, I remember. But no, I'm studying Literature. You know me and my love of books."

"Ah! Yes," Rachel scoots even closer, trying to be discreet but really seeking body warmth. "I always suspected you loved your books more than me."

At this confession, Quinn startles. "What? Really?" She blushes at the thought of loving Rachel. When they were kids they said that to each other all the time, as if they knew what they were talking about. Love is such a complicated thing.

"Yes," Rachel nods. She can't take it anymore, she has to to back inside. "I'm freezing! Let's go back inside?"

Quinn looks behind at her where she can see the party through a sliver in the window. "Here," she offers. "Take my coat." She pulls off the huge coat she has on and wraps it around Rachel's shoulders. "Warm now?" They're so close like this, with her hands holding steadfast to the collar of her coat. Rachel nods, seriously, and then forces a smile. It's tense. "Um, I just need to stay out here for another two minutes, otherwise I'll kill Puck."

"Are you angry with him?"

"Hell, yeah, I'm livid," she says without thinking. Telling Rachel that will give way to follow-up questions. Questions she'll have to answer because Rachel's so persistent.

Rachel squirms inside the coat, that covers her literally from head to toes and sighs, finally getting warm. Quinn isn't that cold yet, she still has a sweater over her long-sleeved shirt. "Livid, why? What'd he do? Throw up again?" Rachel giggles and looks at Quinn under her eyelashes.

"No, thank god." She needs to figure out of way to say this without making it seem like she cares. "Yeah, um, he basically told me he'd... Love to see you naked. Says you've grown up well." Now she's awkward.

"He did?" Rachel irks her eyebrow and blushes prettily. "Uh," she laughs, awkward as well. "Well, I'm engaged." She points to the stupid ring on her finger and then finishes, "but I'm honored." Quinn simply nods, thankful Rachel didn't pick up on the fact - "wait," Rachel catches up, interrupting Quinn's inner celebration. "Why did that piss you off?"

Quinn tries to evade the question, "you want to go inside now? I'm starting to get cold." She rubs her hands over her arms and starts to stand.

Rachel, much stronger than she looks, pulls her back down and pressures, "tell me."

Now Quinn can't lie and say she's cold because she's so hot that she can feel herself start to sweat. "Rachel, come on. Let's go in." Maybe she still knows how to persuade her. That's how Quinn got Rachel to first kiss her; by using her great skill of persuasion. Okay, maybe it didn't take much cajoling for Rachel to give in.

"Quinn." Rachel crosses her arms and pouts. Really? Still doing that at nineteen? "Not until you _speak_."

"Fine! I got pissed because he was crude! And you're... You, you know? Our friend! He's not supposed to say those things about a friend."

"And that's it?" Rachel asks. Her tone could almost be considered hopeful. "Nothing else?"

"No, that's it," Quinn lies.

"Fine," Rachel says. She smiles a little too hard, gets up and goes in.

Quinn wonders what she said wrong.

* * *

"And thank you everyone who came today! Happy New Years!" Quinn cheers and lifts the glass of champagne in her hand. "Let the countdown begin!"

Everyone turns to the TV where the countdown to drop the ball in New York is happening. The crowd on TV is going crazy, and the party goers at Quinn's blow their whistles and yell along. "10... 9... 8... 7... 6..."

Rachel looks around, watching the familiar faces of the strangers around her. They all feel so distant, except for one. She wonders how Brody would react if she kissed Quinn at midnight, but only briefly. She keeps her glass high and smiles at Quinn when the blonde notices her looking. "3..." She mouths, looking at Quinn, across the room.

"2..." Quinn counts back, eyes all serious.

"1..." They finish together and lift their glasses just a wee higher to salute each other.

"Happy New Year!" Everyone bursts! There's laughter and a lot of spilled drinks as Puck grabs Santana for a kiss. She kisses him back but pushes him away and slaps him hard on the chest. The other kids all laugh, except for Rachel who is still fixated on Quinn.

Quinn looks away because she can't take the feel of Rachel's eyes on hers. It's like it won't ever let her go. She lands on Rachel's lips just as she licks them. That's just her luck. Instead, she turns, grabs Artie's wheelchair and gives him a light kiss on the lips. "Happy New Year, Artie."

He smirks, "thanks, Q. You, too. Now, you should go after your special guest because she left that way." He points toward the hallway that leads to the downstairs bedrooms and purses his lips. Sucks for Quinn.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Quinn pushes the door to the guest room and sticks her head in. Rachel is there like predicted, sitting on the bed with her glass of champagne between her legs - empty.

Rachel doesn't want to talk about her stupid fiance or how she wishes she were single so she could kiss Quinn. She just nods, "yeah, I'm okay." It's not like she doesn't love Brody. She does, but he hasn't been that great of a man the last years or so. They've been together for five years and Rachel can't see or understand life without Brody, but maybe a kiss at midnight with Quinn wouldn't be so bad.

"Can I come in?" Quinn irks an eyebrow and pushes the door open further.

Rachel looks up a her with a blank stare. It seems to Quinn like she's thinking it over and that she's not happy, but she waits. "Of course, Quinn. This is your home."

"Can I be honest, Rachel?" She sits at the edge of the bed, a few good feet away from Rachel. She looks sideways at Rachel whose eyes are closed.

"Always, please."

Quinn breathes deeply before saying, "You don't seem okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Quinn-"

"Are you upset with me?" Quinn asks and messes with her own fingers, nerves getting to her. Why does she care so much if Rachel is or not? "Have I done something?"

"No! Absolutely not! Why would you think that?"

"Nothing, just a feeling. So," Quinn claps her hands once and then leans on her elbows. They kind of poke her thighs a little but she ignores it. "Brody huh?"

"Yes, that's my fiance." Rachel tells Quinn with no enthusiasm at all.

"Uh oh, problems with the man?"

"Well, not exactly, you know? He's not terrible. And I love him. I'm just -" Rachel stops talking and smiles. "What about you, Quinn? How's your love life?"

Quinn's eyebrows rise, she was not expecting that. "It doesn't exist at the moment. I'm just enjoying the single life."

"So you haven't seen anyone since you and that bitch broke up?" Rachel laughs at her word choice and purses her lips, "not that I care that you and her dated after I left."

"Not really," Quinn admits, amused by Rachel. "It's only been a few months since."

"Do you still love her?" Rachel asks, more shy than Quinn's ever heard.

She fidgets to answer, "I still love her, yes, but I'm not still in love with her."

At this, Rachel stands and looks around, "well, then. Shall we go back outside? I hear the kids want to watch a movie now."

Quinn follows without a word of disagreement.

* * *

"Are you even paying attention?"

"To the movie?" Quinn whispers. "No, not at all."

The lights are off in the family room where everyone is gathered watching Watchmen. She hates what she's seen so far and she doesn't think she could ever pay attention with Rachel sitting on her other side.

Santana barks a laugh in her ear and elbows her on the side, "_talk_ to her! She's not paying attention either - trust me."

Quinn stares at Santana in the dark, trying to weigh what she's said. She's dying to talk to Rachel, she wants to reconnect and re-learn her but - well, Rachel's engaged.

"This movie sucks," someone whispers at her from behind. It's definitely not Santana because Santana is smirking knowingly, and she sits back, giving Quinn space to talk to Rachel.

Quinn nods, "yeah, I hate it, too. Have you seen it before?"

And that's how they start the conversation that lasts the entire night.

Literally.

Santana ends up as a human pillow for Brittany on the couch and she can't pay attention to the movie because Rachel won't shut up. Quinn does talk some as well, but Rachel is definitely dominating the conversation. She kind of regrets the advice, on the surface. Really, she's just happy Quinn seems happy talking to Rachel again.

The two are sitting by the wall and there they stay, on their butts, for the entire duration of the movie, which feels like forever. Brittany falls asleep on top of Santana and she can't move otherwise the girl wakes up. She cusses under her breath but moves so that Britt is comfortable on top of her.

At five, she closes her eyes to try to fall asleep, but can't with the constant chit chatter behind her. Everyone else seems to have no problem but there's something about the way the two are whispering and giggling that keeps her awake. It's probably the pitch of Rachel's voice. She rolls her eyes, annoyed, but smiles to herself.

Whatever, for her best friend, this one night, she can make a sacrifice. She pulls out her phone as careful as she can, not to wake up Britt, and starts playing Angry Birds.

Q better be thankful about this later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kaleidoscope Heart, Part II**

It surprises Rachel though it shouldn't. She should have seen it coming because as surprising as it might be to everyone else, Santana is the person she stayed the most in contact with. Now with Santana wanting to move to New York, they've talked more and it really strengthened this weird long-distance friendship of theirs. There is also the fact that Santana has always known both Rachel and Quinn better than anyone else. Sure she is Quinn's best friend first, but Rachel knows that Santana cares deeply about her, even if she's pretty bad at showing it.

"You stayed up the entire fucking night talking," she says and straddles the seat on the other side of the picnic table at the park. Rachel groans, kind of and ducks her head in shame.

It's the next morning after the party and since everyone stayed over the night, they all went out to breakfast and then to a park around the corner from Quinn's.

Rachel and Quinn have been inseparable since the night before, and finding a moment when the two weren't together just this morning proved to be quite difficult for Santana. Luckily, Quinn has decided to join the others in a game of tag and is currently chasing after Finn, laughing her ass off. Rachel sighs; she looks really cute.

"Stop staring and answer my question!" Santana snaps at Rachel in a hushed voice.

"Sorry!" Rachel turns violently to Santana, her hair flying with the cold wind. She tugs on her beanie to cover her ears better and says, "I didn't hear the question there."

"Fine," Santana consents. "I didn't ask it but I implied it. What are you doing?"

Rachel is genuinely lost, so she asks, "what am I doing... About what?" She turns again, to find Quinn literally hanging on to Sam. They're both laughing and if she didn't know better, Rachel would think they're related.

"With Quinn! What are you doing with - to Quinn." Santana pulls her attention back by grabbing onto Rachel's chin and making her look at her. "You're engaged."

Rachel suddenly feel defensive. "I know." Her ring-less hand instinctively reaches for the ring and starts twisting it about. "I know I'm engaged, so? I'm not doing anything wrong."

"You can't get married to him, Rach." Santana says. Her voice is almost begging and Rachel gasps at the girl's audacity. "I know. It seems like a lot coming from me but someone has to say it. You shouldn't settle for him because I've known you since we were kids and I fucking think you're amazing. Don't tell anyone I said that because I'll deny it but -" Santana almost sees a smile tug at the corner of Rachel's lips but it doesn't happen. The girl is really serious at the moment. "You're not happy. You can't be. You're getting married to him because you think you have to. Five years is a long time and you already started on the wedding plans and everything, I get it. But, Rachel -" Rachel opens her mouth to try to cut in but Santana doesn't let her. "You deserve better than him. Even your family hates him! You've told me about the way he treats you and do you really expect me to believe you've changed into a girl who doesn't love herself enough to take charge of her own future?"

It seems that Santana is done because there's silence finally. Rachel's cheeks feel burning hot, and she is really offended that someone would attack her life like this. She ignores that nagging at the back of her mind telling her - warning her that Santana is right.

Rachel stands up and joins the game of tag.

* * *

It has been almost a week that Rachel's been in town. And this means that during the entire week, Quinn and Rachel hung out like they had never been separated. The duration of the stay was coming to an end and Rachel was feeling bittersweet about her upcoming farewell. Santana's speech has been constantly running through her mind.

To Quinn, Rachel is always saying goodbye and she fucking hates that.

Nevertheless, no matter how much each girl loves spending time with the other, Rachel has to go. Quinn stares at said girl eating her breakfast across the table from her, direct sunlight hitting her face and is amazed at how bright those brown eyes can shine. "So... Did you talk to Brady last night?"

"His name is Brody," Rachel replies without missing a beat. She's still looking out the window, pensive, considering what the past week means to her. "And you know that because you're not dumb."

So the air around them has been tense this morning because Rachel is leaving that night and Quinn doesn't know how to adjust to that. Rachel can feel it too, but Rachel is better at dealing with it.

Rachel is also not stupid. Things are between a rock and a hard place between her and Brody at the moment, especially with him knowing that she met up with an ex. The ex. The ex Brody made her forget about. And sure, she realizes that spending so much time with Quinn might look bad, but they haven't even hugged the entire time. They've kept their distance mostly because both understand that if touching occurs, it'll lead to a kiss and that can't happen.

"Yes but I don't care," Quinn says. She drinks some of her orange juice and tries not to pout. "You haven't answered my question."

Rachel sighs and pushes some hair behind her ear, "yes, I called him last night and told him my flight information." Quinn hums, just to let her know she's listening. She's always been awful about talking about her feelings though. "Is there a problem?"

"It's fine, Rach."

"No, come on. Tell me, please." She rolls her eyes but not at Quinn. She is extremely upset with herself for where they got. She could've stopped it at any moment. If she's being extremely honest, she came to Lima thinking about what it'd be like to see Quinn again. And a single Quinn. "I'm sorry," she tells her not above a whisper.

"What are you sorry for?" Quinn arches one eyebrow and ducks just enough to make eye contact with the beautiful girl in front of her.

Rachel breaks eye contact again, "nothing, forget it. How are your pancakes?" She smiles, way too big to be real at the moment.

* * *

After breakfast they manage to get back to a less awkward mood. For their last afternoon together, Quinn convinced Rachel to watch the movie of the year - Avatar, in 3D. Rachel hates 3D and she hates the premise of Avatar even more but she doesn't tell Quinn that, she simply smiles and thanks Quinn for paying for tickets.

She covers snacks since Quinn payed for the tickets, and they find a seat at the very top row. They arrived way too early for the movie. The lights are still on and there isn't a single other person in the room with them.

Quinn stretches her legs until it's pressing against the back of the seats in front of her and lounges on her chair. "This is kinda neat, being here alone."

"It is, isn't it?" Rachel turns to Quinn and laughs at the sight, chewing on some chocolate. "It's kind of peaceful, if you ignore the humongous screen."

Laughing quietly, Quinn steals the box of chocolates from Rachel's hands. "Thanks for coming out with me to watch this movie. I've been dying to see it." Her smile is glorious and Rachel loves basking in it.

She tilts her head, "anytime, Quinn." Then she thinks about it and shakes her head, "I mean, when I'm in town. Not when I'm in New York because that's physically impossible."

People start to slowly fill in the movie theater and Quinn and Rachel continue to talk about their week and what Rachel's plans are for when she goes back to New York. Quinn goes back to Yale too but only a week after. She's almost done with undergraduate school, too, because she's a serious nerd and is an entire year ahead. She's considering a big change in her life soon, she just doesn't know where to.

Finally, when the lights start to dim, Rachel leans towards Quinn and says, "I should visit New Haven."

* * *

Her flight is set to depart at 9. It's 7:30 and she and Quinn are in Quinn's car, idling in the driveway of Rachel's cousin's house.

Quinn insisted in taking her to the airport, and so Rachel told her cousins not to worry about it.

"I feel like I'm cheating on him, even though you and I haven't actually kissed," Rachel explains. She sobs, catching air and tears in her throat. "I mean, this shouldn't still feel this right, you know?" She asks through loud labored breaths.

Sure, Quinn knows it all too well. She's focused on the feel of her hands around the cold steering wheel and keeping them there. Her eyes do not dare to move away from it or she'll encounter a red nose, swollen lips Rachel Berry and she's still cute then. But yes, even if they haven't actually done anything, their feelings have definitely been shaken up and awakened in each other's presence.

"Quinn?" Rachel asks, voice tiny.

"Yes?" Quinn tries her best to sound okay, unaffected, but her voice sounds as tiny - if not tinier than Rachel's. A tear fights its way out of the corner of her eye and down her cheek.

"I like you," Rachel confesses. The confession hangs in the air for a second before Rachel continues, thoughts jumbled in her head. "And it's so wrong! I know! I have a fiance and we love each other but - is it right? Am I supposed to get married to soon?"

Santana's words again made their presence known and loud in her head. "I can't tell you that, Rachel."

Quinn and her stupid answers! Rachel is frustrated. She is damn exhausted of life and where life has led her to. It seems strange and way melodramatic but a life without Quinn seems like a boring life now. She had forgotten just how much this girl made a difference and she didn't want to forget that. Rachel finds herself having to look away from Quinn's lips repeatedly.

"Do you like me, too?"

Rachel puts Quinn in a tough spot, because of course Quinn likes her but Quinn cannot for the life of her, tell her that. Not like that anyway. Because it's wrong. And it's wrong because Rachel is engaged to be married in May, and she already feels like she's cheating. Quinn runs a hand through her hair and exhales. "Rach," she tries.

"Quinn, please." Rachel begs and reaches for Quinn's hands. She interlaces their fingers and feels Quinn running her thumb over the back of her hand.

"You very well know the answer to that - don't make me say it, please." Now Quinn is the one begging. This is torture. It physically pains her having Rachel so close yet so unattainable. They could be so good together but Rachel has someone already. Quinn was only there for a week, to be a companion; a friend.

But Rachel is Rachel and she will not relent. "I'm not asking for a confession of love, Quinn! Just to know if you-"

"Of course I like you, Rachel!" It slips out before she can help it, and the hand over her mouth now isn't much help.

That yearn to kiss Rachel bubbles up to the surface again and Quinn does what she's done every other time this happened during this week. She thought about being the other one. Being that guy that Rachel is going home to and how upset she'd be if she found out. She'd already be upset with the amount of time they spent together - ugh, whatever. Guy's a douche and Quinn was nothing but a good friend to Rachel.

Well if that's the case, then how come this is so damn difficult?

"Tell me what to do?"

"What?" Quinn snaps to Rachel, looking up at her with those big brown eyes, the reflection of the moon clear.

"About Brody! About my life! What do I do?" Rachel is desperate. She can hear it in her own voice and she can feel it in her trembling hands. Quinn tries to soother her with the caressing but she can't answer that question.

She breathes deeply and as much as she wants to kiss the daylights out of Rachel and tell her to leave Brody, she can't. "I can't tell you what to do, Rachel." Shaking her head, Quinn wills herself to pull away from Rachel's hands and claim her hands back to herself.

Immediately, Rachel is outraged. For the lack of an answer, for the gaining of space. "Why not? I need help! And you're my friend! And I need your help as a friend." She can't control the crying anymore. She surges forward and rests her forehead on Quinn's arm. The tears roll out her eyes like waterfalls. "I'm lost..." She says, "I don't know what to do."

Quinn can't tell Rachel what to do because she's biased. So biased. And she wants to kiss Rachel's worry and confusion and pain away. But she can't do that either. What she can do is be here. Be here even if here is temporary. She opens her arms and pulls Rachel into a proper hug, over the console.

Rachel clings to Quinn like her life depends on it, and maybe it does, you know? Right now feelings are clawing at every surface of her heart and she has no idea how she's going to survive being married to a man who doesn't love her and who she doesn't love in return. That thought is sending her spinning like crazy.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel," Quinn repeats over and over. This is why she wanted to stay away from Rachel. She would want more; she would want Rachel all to herself and now all she has is a Rachel who is leaving to the arms of another man. "You'll know what to do." She smiles against the top of Rachel's head and feels the girl starting to calm down.

Rachel is nestled in the crook of Quinn's neck, finding home here easier than she's ever found it anywhere else. Her scent of vanilla attacks her senses and she finds that she never wants to let go.

Quinn does pull Rachel away. But only enough so they can look at each other in the eyes. She doesn't break this connection now. "You'll know what to do. I won't tell you what, but you'll know. You're you and I trust you to make the decision that makes you happy. Not Brody... Not me," Quinn's smile falters slightly but she journeys on, "or your fathers, or whoever. But you."

Rachel starts crying hard again, listening to these words from Quinn just makes her feel like she owes herself so much.

"And if you ever feel any doubt about how much you're worth and who lo-" both take a sharp breath and she corrects herself, "who cares for you, then..." Quinn grabs Rachel's shaky right hand and takes it to her own chest. "Feel," she says quietly, as if speaking any louder would ruin the word.

Rachel feels Quinn's heart thumping against her ribcage. It's wild and out of rhythm and maybe a smile starts to form, even as she continues to cry.

Quinn's other hand cups Rachel's wet face and uses her thumb to dry away the tears. "You make me so nervous. So very nervous. But I believe in you so much. And I believe whatever you choose will be the best."

Quinn can read it in Rachel's eyes - the want to kiss her. But she won't let Rachel do it because it's not right for either of them, and it's even not fair to Brody and she doesn't roll like that.

The hand on top of Rachel's over Quinn's chest squeezes. Rachel continues to cry. Quinn uses the other hand to hook it behind Rachel's neck and pulls her back in for another hug. "Let's take you to the airport."

* * *

Now when Rachel watches Avatar, three years later, she still remembers that non-date date. She still hates the movie, but she bought it anyway.

After she went home to New York, she watched the movie four other times, every time being dragged by someone else who was dying to see it. None of those times were as special as watching it with her hazel-eyed beauty.

Talking to Brody was especially hard, and calling off the engagement took its toll on her. He threatened her with empty words and even warned her that they would never get back together and that she'd never find someone like him. Then he spat a her that he had cheated on her; multiple times. With different girls, one of which had been a friend of hers.

That hurt and it took a lot of out her. She had to break down the news to many people over, including her family. They were happy.

Quinn, whom she had been Skyping with while she was in New York, didn't gloat or claim territory, which Rachel is still thankful for. She was a friend first, and she told Rachel she was proud of her for making the right choice on her own.

Then summer came along and both girls found themselves in Lima again. They didn't immediately rush into a relationship, even though everyone wanted them to and encouraged them to. Rachel still had a lot of emotional things to sort through and Quinn was present every step of the way.

A kiss, that Quinn left on Rachel's lips as she took a train to New Haven from Grand Station is what cemented it all. They had traveled together from Lima to New York, and as Quinn was making her way to board her train, she looked back to see Rachel's smiling face. And she knew. She knew that in this girl lay her love.

She promptly turned around, walked the last steps to Rachel, who knew exactly what Quinn was coming back for - she opened her arms wide and jumped, Quinn caught her and kissed her.

Quinn asked Rachel to be her girlfriend then, and three years later and Rachel is watching Avatar with the blonde again, and thinking about that day at the movies. "Did you know I wanted to kiss you then?" Rachel asks Quinn, who's laying with her head on Rachel's lap, a smile playfully sitting on her lips.

"Yes, babe. You've told me that before."

"And when did you know you wanted to kiss me?"

"When I first heard you were coming to Lima. And every other time I heard your name or saw your face. And every time in between those times," Quinn tells her, a delicious flirty tilt in every word.

"But you didn't," Rachel reminds her with the same tone.

"I couldn't," Quinn pouts, eyes focused on the TV even though the rest of her body iscompletely focused on Rachel.

Rachel says, "but you can now."

It makes Quinn finally look up at her, with those black-rimmed glasses sitting on her nose and hair spread wild. Rachel loves the image. The white V-neck also suits her well, and from her vantage point, Rachel can appreciate so much with that cut.

Smirking, Quinn nods in agreement and grabs the back of Rachel's neck, "yes, yes I can." They kiss, lips always eager for each other. "Now," Quinn pecks Rachel's lips; the girl still has her eyes closed, reveling in the kiss that just transpired. "There's something else I can say that I couldn't then."

Rachel chuckles with her lips still poised over Quinn, "oh yeah? What's that?"

Quinn sits up, kisses Rachel again, taking her time. Slowly, deliberately, she does so just to prolong the moment. When their eyes meet, she sees Rachel's love for her and knows she can trust this girl with her life and her heart and her soul. And she does.

"I love you."

Rachel kisses her again, losing herself in the feel of Quinn. She mutters, "best New Years ever," into Quinn's mouth and her girlfriend knows she isn't referring to the one that happened two months prior. She's referring to the one that changed their lives forever. "I love you, too."

* * *

A/N.: like I said, even though I embellished this story and changed a few details, this is a true story!

_My friends are still together.:) _


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